okay right now im listening to ohio is for lovers and the line " i cant make it on my own" works perfect for what im feeling right now. cuase i cant make life on my own. yeah, ill get more into it later, but just be expecting a long entry.
okay so thursday was garden, twas tons of fun, manda came early, than wand and den came we chilled, ate pizza and such. than jess karen&jamie came to my house, and we all walked down to garden. and we drank of course, not too much thou, karen ended up whiping out a shot glass, which was the funniest thing ever. but yeah we got there and the line wasnt that bad at all, we got in fast. made friends with the guys next to us, they were okay, one had a lazy eye, it made me laugh. we got in, i saw caity&jenna, they were drunk off there asses, like whoa. it was fun. didnt see anyone else from heights, cept for marissa gamble who was there with some of her friends. yeah, so me jess n amanda go out dancing, and were having fun some guys are like preforming on the stage or what not, and were having a good time. than like out of nowhere we get like mobbed like serioulsy mobbed. some guys come outta nowhere and start dancing with all 3 of us, so were like okay whatever, and just giving each other faces, twas funny. but than some guy comes in between me n amanda. so its some guy, me, some guy, amanda, some guy. lmao. and jess is off to the side with the sean raney look alike. so the guy in front of me grabs my hand, so i thought it was amanda like trying to hold onto me, but than another hand grabs my other hand so im standing there in between 2 guys with no hands..so i look down and realize that its NOT amandas hands, and the guy behind me, his hands start going up my shirt, so i rip my hands outta his and move this guys hands down i was like whoa whoa whoa, sir. so yea, the song ends they leave, we laugh alot, we go on with our lives, than some other guy comes and pulls me aside to dance, and i didnt realize if amanda or jess were dacing with anyone but i think they were, yea so were dancing and dancing,than he flips me around, and were dancing and danceing, and im really not paying attention or anything, than he like grabs my face and starts making out with me,i seriously didnt realize at first, than i pulled away and i was trying to look around for jess and/or amanda but i didnt see them so i was stuck there with this guy, and he continues hooking up with me, i dont even remember what he looks like, so i was hooking up with him for a good 10 min, not knowing what to do. i will admit that it was pretty funny, bc i started cracking up afterwards. so than jess pops outta nowhere and motions me to come over by her, so i was like yeah, i have to go. and hes like aww. i was like thank god. so i go over and i see dennis and hes stareing at me walking to me and hes laughing, so i go up to him and im like deennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn and hes like im so proud of you, i was like noooooooooo i didnt even know what was going on. and we start laughing about it. and i go back by the bar and wand is standing there with her arms crossed, cuass when jess realized it was me she ran over and told every one. and i just started laughing, it was funny, ill admit. so than good songs come on and we all go out dancing it was fun. dennis dissapeared for a little cuase he got jealous that i hooked upwith someone and he didnt. so of course he did, cuase anyone will hook up with him. seriously. hahaha. i love him. so than like as soon as good songs start comming on, like my otra noche song came on<33333333 and than dennis is on the fone and hes like we have to go, i was like noooooooooooooo its otra noche!! lol. but yeah we left, kathleen picked us up. manda slept over, wand was supposed to but she didnt. so we just layed around and laughed about getting mobbed. than we made grilled cheese and ate doritos till we fell asleep. it was fun. the next day, if i do remember wanda came over we swam a little, than i ended up getting into a fight with chris. eww i hate him, yeah and i told him i did too, i really felt good. im glad amanda finally realizes that hes really not worth anything in the world. at all. yeah, i dont want to get into that. so yeah, than that night i went to a graduation party, it was stupid. i was on the phone with dennis the whole night basically. melissa&brielle were there, i told her that iw as going to her party, im excited for it, cuause we get to see everyone again.
monday was the first time i witnessed a wake AND funeral. it was harsh. yeah, my moms uncle died, at frist i didnt really care cause he wasnt that important to me but when i went there and saw him laying there...not alive, was really freaky, and he seen me grow up. so he really was a part of my live. and we got at the place early cuase we just did. so i was sitting there and i never realized how important and loved this guy really was. okay so he got married to my grandmas sister, who died a couple years after they got married, he was devistated and he had 2 small children at the time so he didnt know how to raise them, he had to go to work and all, so his family from italy, brought over some girl that was willing to get married to raise the kids and stuff, it wasnt really love or anything, i guess you can say that it was an arranged marrage. but anyways after his first wife died he became an alcholic, not like an abusive one or anything, he was a good father, as far i heard. so my grandma was always there to help him out with anything he needed, and she kept him around so he would have a family here in america, cuase his family was all in italy. so yeah,when he got older, he got really sick, and had to get both of his legs amputateds. so yea, i was sitting in the funeral home just stareing at him up there waiting for him to just like start breahte or someone, i was in such a daze, that my mom started talking to me and i seriously didnt hear her at all, she had to shake me to get me back. so than before i knew it the preist came and called people up to say there last goodbyes, so he called up like grandchildren and daugthers frist and everything. so than he calls up nieces and nefhews, which are all my aunts and uncles, my mom told me to come, but i felt like it wasnt my place, so they all go up, and at this point my grandma is SOBBING, like bad. so i go and sit next to her just to let her relax but she couldnt stop crying. so than that when it hit me, i started getting all teary, so than my uncle starts walking away from the coffin and he starts crying, and when this guy was still alive, he would always tell my uncle that when he dies he wants him to put a bottle of whiskey & ciggaretts in with him. so of course that what he did. so than i see my mom and everyone crying, so im just trying to stay strong and im handing everyone tissues and being the one to cry on. so than my grandma&grandpa get called up, my grandpa isnt the one to cry or show any emotion at all, i think im the only one who can actually get him to laugh. i love my grandparents to death, and i dont know what im gonna do when they die *knock on wood*, which is not anytime soon, but it is reality and it is going to happen eventually. my grandma doesnt speak much english so shes just standing by his coffin sobbing like crazy and just holding onto him and shes crying so hard that she cant even speak so shes like screaming trying to get the words out, it was bad. that made me cry. so than we follow him to the church, the church goes on, everyone is crying, blah blah, than we go to the cemetery. the big one in north arlington, where like everyone in my family has died is burried. so yeah he got burried ouside next to his wife and the crazy thing is, is that you could look down the hole and you saw like half of her casket, and shes been died for 40 years. i was freaked out,so everyone goes and puts the roses on top of his thing, and i got 2 roses cuase i wanted to put on my grandfathers thing, cuase he was there too, so my grandma put one for him and she threw one down for her, it was sad she just picked up whatever flowers she saw and threw them down for heri stood there with my grandma when they were lowering him cuase everyone went back to their cars and such, and since i knew my way around i went to go find my mom by my grandfathers thing and since hes inside i wanted to tape the flower onto his thing, i ended up having a red rose, a peach colored one, and a white carnation, so i go into the guys office and i asked him for a piece of tape and he was like no, theres no tape in the buliding your not allowed to tape anything on the walls. so i just walked out really upset, so i passed my mom and everyone and just went and stood next to his thing. i was crying, cuase i just wanted to tape the stupid flowers on his thing, so my dad comes over, cuase its my dads dad, and he holds onto me and he takes the i rose and carnation and sticks the ends into the cracks so that made me a little happy so i took the rose and i just told him that iw as going to save it forever, and thats what im planning on doing. yeah, other stuff happened, but i dont feel like typeing it. basically i got home, went out with wanda to starbucks, dennis came for a little, than left. i saw jess <3 there, she was with maureen&andrea. it was nice to see them again. came home, did nothing.
today we went to doba, mandas in hershey park.and i had my cousins graduation ceremony tonight so my mom picked me up from there and we went straight there she didnt evne have time to go home and change, whatever. it was long and boring, i was supposed to han out with jess, but i got stuck at my aunts house, i feel bad cuase my phone died and i didnt get to call her and tell her, but i wanted to hang out with them alot! but i will sometime this week and/or summer.
on the way home i got into a fight with my mom cuase some whore thats a friend with my aunt, told her that she saw me smokeing last year at the feast in hoboken, my mom got mad, i told her things, she told me to "be a leader not a follower". whatever, she told me that if i was a good friend, i would tell my friends to stop, itold her to shut up. ciase its really not a big deal, i guess shes over it, shes very dissapointed in me. it happenes.
im going out with dennis&wanda tomorrow, i dont care where. anywhere please.
i might be getting a job at nordstroms, good thing, i need money. bad.
yeah this is long enough, ill stop here <3
and if you read this whole thing and leave me a comment.
ill probly love you.